i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
