just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
