I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
