Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
