is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
