i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
