One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
