I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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