I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
