I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
