My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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