I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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