I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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