is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
