She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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