dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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