I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
