If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
