she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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