If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
