Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
