Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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