Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
