Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
