She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
