I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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