Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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