like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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