So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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