I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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