All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
