why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So much rum. So many feels.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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