you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
