put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
