Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
