Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
