you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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