Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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