i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Randomize
