Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So apparently I’m into choking now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
