Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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