i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
