i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Text me some of your sweat
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
