Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
