Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
