Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
