Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
