my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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