A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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