My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
