i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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