i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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