Barsexuality is the new black.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
